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If you do attend a “celebration” at a country club where liquor is served, go easy on it.

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Don’t tell me how to feel.” And Rita M., whose friends avoided calling because she kept crying on the phone, eventually understood that they couldn’t cope with her intense grief, so she stopped taking those calls. How dare supposed friends act as they did, we thought collectively.

If only they really knew what we were going through, they’d become empathetic and know exactly what to say, to ask, to do — and also what NOT to say and do.