Dating your spouse
Perceptions of what love is were actually similar between men and women.
Both placed importance on the value of companionate love, but men placed higher value on passionate love[xiii].
In later years it becomes less frequent, and as the research this points out this is often due to less interest, higher rates of dysfunction and difficulty, and major life events like having children[viii]. We’re going to look at how to get the excitement back into your marriage but first let’s just look at some gender differences. Men tend to fall in love more easily, and report higher scores on measures of romantic love than women in the early stages (first few months) of relationships[ix]. Men also more likely to say “I love you” first in a relationship[x].
Men have more traditionally romantic beliefs: they are more likely to think that you fall in love at first sight and that love overcomes all boundaries like race, social class etc.
So we have these dynamics going on and we are seeing some gender differences and some similarities. biologically programmed for, but there you have it.
Now we want to talk about how to get the excitement back in your marriage.
But sex comes into the equation once we get married too.
If you're competing, why not arrange stakes ahead of time so that the winner gets to be lavished with special attention (or gets a night off from doing dishes)? This is great for laughs and conversation, but it's also fun to establish a little friendly competition. These can make for just as much romance as the chick flicks, since the adrenaline will get your heart pounding and encourage a little closeness. ) Help her color her hair or work together on getting full coverage from the tan-in-a-bottle lotion. This motivates you to want to spend time with your spouse or girl/boyfriend at the start of a relationship.Typically this phase of love lasts 12-18 months[ii], but can last an entire lifetime[iii]. Self-expansion theory, developed by husband and wife researchers Arthur and Elaine Aron, speaks to this situation[iv].The rate at which you can do this declines after the initial period of the relationship: you start to run out of new things to learn about your spouse.
So dating is the most exciting phase of a relationship because you’re getting to grow as a person by getting to know your spouse, and this inevitably starts to taper off the longer a relationship lasts.Both men and women experience similarly high levels of passion at the start of the relationship, but this declines particularly strongly for women as the relationship goes on[xii].